The secret to being a happy anglo in Israel

OK - so you move to Israel and the adjustment begins. For almost every anglo I have met, Israel is a shock on multiple levels. Being a fellow Jew does not help when someone is shouting at you over the counter because you cannot remember the Hebrew word for grated cheese. But remember, he is not shouting 'at' you .. he is shouting 'with' you. Is it his fault that you have not learned to shout and express yourself like everyone else? This is a frightening experience for all new arrivals, but its part of the experience that eventually moulds us all into proper Israelis.
Once in Israel you need to suppress your anglo instinct to apologize to everyone. No one expects it. That sort of behaviour is just an indication of your inability to adjust to your surroundings.

The secret to being a happy anglo in Israel can be found in having two well defined and seperate personalities. You need to train yourself to become selectively schizophrenic. You are already a well mannered anglo and can handle yourself in most anglo cultural scenarios like smiling when you greet people, queuing quietly to get on a bus, driving like you care etc. etc. Lets call this your anglo personality (AP). All you need now, is to develop an Israeli personality (IP) to deal with everyday life in your new home.

An IP is a simply a behavioural shield for dealing with the new surroundings. Using your AP in a hostile environment can be very damaging. Your AP can even be permanently affected if exposed to excessive emotional abuse and confusion. It is for this reason that we each need to develop our own IP's.

The key to developing your IP is mimicry. You must observe everything that goes on around you. How do the locals behave? Did he say thank you? Did he smile? Will the attendant help you when you walk into the shop? How do others get attention while you seem to be invisible? All these everyday events need to be noticed and noted. As soon as you have watched things for long enough, it is time to being utilizing your IP. Hebrew will help with clarifying things, but don't worry, almost everyone in Israel speaks English and if they don't ... well, its time they learnt.

So now you are ready to begin. Whenever you feel threatened, out of touch or simply do not understand, adopt your IP. The easiest way to do this, is to behave like everyone else. If they are shouting, you shout. If they push, you push. If they ignore you, you ignore them. With practice you IP will develop its own character. Your IP is a self-made shield for your AP and with time your AP will learn to express itself through your IP. In the beginning, you need to learn to make the switch. The ability to switch between AP and IP is crucial to maintaining a healthy balanced Israeli lifestyle. For beginners, the IP can feel very foreign and out of control, but persevere and your AP will thank you. A strange relationship between your AP and your IP is just a fact of life. You will just have to get used to the fact that your IP does not seem to care about your AP, and that your AP instinctively persists in apologizing to your IP. Don't worry, its perfectly normal.

Remember that you are in control. You can switch off your IP at any time and be AP. Erratic behaviour is fairly normal in Israel so your personality change will probably not be noticed. If anyone confronts you, you can simply reactivate your IP until it is safe to revert to your AP.

After a while it gets easier. Make a mental note not too spend too much time in your IP or your AP will begin to lose strength. Your IP will become an essential everyday tool for dealing with your new surroundings but it will take time to refine. This is more about the journey than the destination. Do not adopt your IP when in the company of fellow AP's as you are likely to scare them and lose friends.

Now that the secret of the IP is out, I hope to see a lot more people working on their IP's so that their AP's don't get faded and warped. There is nothing worse that seeing a person who has lost control of their IP. Many an AP has been ruined by undisciplined IP's.

As you bravely venture out to begin experimenting with your own IP, remember the proud words of our ancestors during the years of the British Empire - 'Once an AP, always an AP'.